I'm Sick and Tired and I Can't Take it Anymore!

A bit of a post from 2015: 

It's been several years since I've written anything.  I actually forgot I had even had a blog registered with gmail  until about 5 minutes ago.  In my  frustration, of sitting on the sidelines watching everything going wrong in the U.S. these days, I just felt like writing.  This is all  exacerbated by the fact that I recently turned 50, and my crankiness has automatically increased ten fold exactly on the date of my birth (which shall remain classified).  So. time is running out, best say what's on my mind now.

One of the big things on the horizon is the upcoming Presidential election. People are riding Trumps ass about what he says and how he says it. They seem to forget he's not a politician.  And he's not politically correct. He doesn't have to be.  He's a zillionaire and he doesn't have to.  Now, I won't go as far as saying that I hope he is the next President, not unless someone puts a choke collar on him, but I have to wonder, if he gets the job, if the gloves will  really come off, and what's this place going to be like in a few years if all that happens.   It's a shame that if he didn't have such a big mouth, he might actually get the nod. 

The realization that it really doesn't matter who's going to be in the office has been in the forefront of my mind for years..  The structure of "the system" and the nature of politics, the corruption and indirect bribes,   are what is really in control.  Everybody knows that, right?  It doesn't matter in the least what anyone says during the campaign, that's all the pre-fight trash talking.  So I don't think Mr. Trump should be held to a different standard.  Whether he knows it or not, he's not going to be able to do all the things he says IF he gets in the big chair.  My guess is that if he gets too close, they'll  just kill him anyway.  They'll be some kind of "accident".

Flash forward to 12/2018....
Ok Ok Ok.... so now it's almost 2019 and we know how screwed everything is with Trump.  It seems to be getting worse everyday.  In the beginning, I thought, maybe, he's going to start slitting throats and straightening stuff out.  But like a fine piece of sandpaper, it's  worn down to the bone over the last two years.  This man is so corrupt, so sleazy, well, he just has to go. He hasn't drained the swamp, he's just refilled it with new swamp monsters.  This has so pissed me off that I've started my own little research project on him and his business dealings.  There are podcasts about him. 

We just keep getting shit dead wrong.

Anyway, I wish someone could change my mind but I just don't see how it's possible now.  I don't know what else to say about it, so I  guess I'll just go paint my gate.  More to come.... later.

Look What the Cat Dragged In

It's the Vinilla Guerrilla back from the jungle to speak his mind.  And yes, I know that's not how you spell vanilla, but that was taken already, so I improvised.  I honestly forgot I had this blog since the iphone came out.  In 2014 I wrote a few drafts but I never published them, so I'll probably start with finishing those before I author anymore great works of blog literature.  But, rest assured, I am back.  And I'm older and more cranky than ever. And I have something to say about everything.  If you're easily offended, you may want to click "X" or the red dot and close this now, I assure you, it's all downhill from here.

Reality Shows

I'd like to make my own reality show. We'd drop off all the imbiciles that are on reality shows in the jungle, hunt them down, and kill them.  But I fear they're already dead.  Brain dead at least.  Although I have to admit that I did get a chuckle out of the "Real World" episode with the dude that plays "mini-me" in Austin Powers, hammered out of his gourd, driving around naked on his power chair and pissing all over himself.  That's funny.  I don't care who you are. 

Anyway. I generally don't watch TV. In fact, I hate TV.  There's just not much good tv here, and most locally produced shows here on Guam look like they were shot with someone's phone-cam. 

For some reason today, I was one damned who happened across VH1's latest flop,  "Tool Academy."  No, it's not about spanner wrenches (whatever the that is) or screwdrivers. Nor has it anything to do with saws, drills,  or my favorite - the hammer.  It's about guys. 

That are tools.  

They're in "Tool Academy" to learn not to be such, well.. tools.  In the 10 minutes I could tolerate, it seemed that they have to go through some kind of anti-tool training and show some improvement in their tooliness (I just made that word up) lest they be shit-canned during the big elimination ceremony.  That's the program. All of it. 

What the fuck. 

The World Will Never be the Same Now....

Today, something truly amazing happened. 

It's a day I'd never thought would come, and I certainly didn't see it coming.  It's one of those things you always think about, but yet somehow know it will never happen to you. "That's not for you" you tell yourself humbly.  "It will never happen." 

 Until one day, out of nowhere, it does. And your life is changed forever, never to return to the days of emptiness.  You think you must have done something right along the way.  Some how, good Karma has come your way, and, even though you know you don't really deserve it, you embrace it.  Shit, even my own mother, who'd swear I was capable of anything wouldn't even expect this.  I wish I could call her right now, but it's the butt-crack of dawn where she is.  She's old and I don't want her to have a stroke.  She simply won't believe it, and think this is one of my not too infrequent crank calls to her.   So I'll celebrate here on my tiny little island, with the handful of people that may someday come across this blog and share in my glory.  These days don't come often.  Maybe only once or twice in a lifetime.  If you're fortunate. 

After all these years of emptiness, there is abundance.  More than I would have ever asked for.  Even more than I will ever need in my lifetime.  

So, I'm happy to report, that I finally bought a set of eating utensils.  For too long I was suffering through life with a lone fork and two spoons.  Each time I opened that drawer next to the sink the sound of my three lonely utensils clanging  about  in the  plastic thingy drove me further and further into depression.  Now they have friends, twenty four of them to be exact, to share their little place in the world with.  Service for Four it says on the box.  

Next week I shall take the next step in my evolution and purchase a set of drinking glasses.  From the set of 4 I bought at Kmart nearly five years ago, only one remains.  It's only friend is the green plastic cup that sits beside it.  They look so lonely. 

Now if I can just convince my mom I'm not bullshitting her.  

I'll Stop Complaining... For a While Anyway

     Once again, today I had absolutely NOTHING to do at work.  I don't mean to sound suprised as this was exactly what I anticipated.   My boss is gone again (not that he has a clue what I do anyway even if I had something to do).   My work ethic demands I make a token effort, and stop by the "main office" as I usually do, followed by a speedy retreat to the Guerrilla cage and my tire swing, not to be seen until tomorrow's  cameo appearance.  

     I'm steadily working towards  my goal of retiring in anot

her  15 years and walk out the door with people wondering who in the hell I am.  

    But wait!  Stop the presses!   

     I did delete some email that didn't pertain to me, 8 of them as I recall,  which is all the email I got since yesterday.  This was only a result of being placed on someone's auto-forward list, apparently mistaking me for someone that gives a shit.  But, since it was se

nt to my work account, I shall count it as official business.  That puts today in the "Busiest Day of the Week" category. The good news (for me) is that I run absolutely no risk of being fired, ever.  But it sucks being bored. I can't believe I put myself through 7 years of college to prepare for this. 

     I want a fucking refund.  

     Oddly, I just finished paying off all my student loans last month.  At fourty-fucking-three years old.  

     But that's not what this post is about.  It's about  I'm going to not complain  anymore.  For today at least.  Not about Guam anyway. 

     I'm not going to complain that there's no Quiznos, there's no Starbucks (which isn't a huge void in my life but the point is there are none here).  Restaurants suck and there are just to few things to keep me happily doing two or three things at once.  It's not good for my attention deficit disorder, that's for sure. 

     And  I  have to order practically everything I buy off the internet.  I can't do anything I really like to do in the "outdoor stupidity" category. I have exactly two friends that I can be around without wondering  what the fuck is wrong with them and hearing my inner voice ask if their mother had any children that lived.  could list all the cons of the matter, but I won't.  Even though I was  checking out San Diego real estate last night. I felt a little ache in my heart. God -Damn you Google Earth! 

But today, for some reason that remains unclear to me, I started to appreciate it.  Why I haven't caught on until now, I'm not real sure. Sometimes how you look at things makes all the difference.   Change what things mean to you. I read that somewhere. 

     

I realized that at the height of rush hour  (see photo) it takes me exactly 10 minutes to get to "work." That I don't have to wear a coat and tie to work, ever.  In fact, I could probably get away with not going to work a couple days a week and nobody would notice.  That here, I'm a little unique and I do like to stand out a little.  I can get to Palau in 2 hours, Japan in 3, the Philippines in 4, and China in 4.5 hours.   And I can see things like this pretty much everyday. 

So it ain't all bad I suppose. It's actually a nice little island, despite everything it's lacking, and all the political shenanigans. 

Then again, maybe I'm just getting used to it.  It all seems normal to me now. 

Maybe it's time for a vacation.... 

Natural Selection

More and more you hear about the "poor Americans" loosing their homes, their jobs, and in my case, their minds. 

I 'm sorry, I just can't have a lot of sympathy for some of these clowns I see on the state-side news moaning and groaning about how their $40k per year income won't allow them to make payments on the $450k house they bought on a teaser mortgage rate four years ago.  It's everyone's fault but theirs. 

To make matters even more worthy of a double dose of Pepto-bismol, the latest trend seems to be to buy a second home before your first home gets foreclosed on, then you just simply let the more expensive home that you couldn't afford in the first place go back to the bank, and let the rest of us pay for your mistake.   And when I say the "rest of us" I'm not just referring to U.S. citizens. People all over the world are suffering for America's opulence.  

Americans need to stop living beyond their means. 

Recognize your place in the circle and live to that standard. If you don't like where life is keeping you, change it.  Work harder, study, do whatever it takes to improve your situation using your own resources.  I'm sorry, but some people were just meant to live in trailer parks. Detroit has the highest percentage of home foreclosures?  Could it be that they also have the highest percentage of dumb fuckers too?  I don't understand how a high school equivalency exam leads to a professional wage for installing rubber thingys on the brake pedals of GM products.  These fuckers make more than college professors. 

That's no bullshit, I looked it up. 

I used to joke with my scuba classes about some really stupid diving accidents we'd review as part of the  "don't let this happen to you" segment of my dive certification class.  I'd refer to the results of these accidents as examples of natural selection.  Maybe some dude teaching scuba in 2050 will use the United States as an example of natural selection.  

Nothing to Write About.

Well, it seems all my favorite bloggers have dropped off the face of the earth for the last week or so.  I don't know who in the hell they think they are but I need entertainment, dammit.  And I'm tired of surfing porn.  If I don't get to read about their lives, I have too much time to think about my own.  And that's boring.  

I was hoping by the time I wrote that paragraph I'd think of something to write about, but so far, nothing.  Even after this sentence, nada.  

Ok, well then.  Let's talk about Guam a little. 

As much as I complain it's actually a cool place to live, and unless I move further west, I doubt I'll ever leave unless it's in a rubber bag or a box of some type.  Living on Guam is pretty easy.  Everything is close. The island is only 33 miles long, so a long drive for us is about 15 minutes.  You can be lazy and wear whatever you want where ever you want and nobody will blink and eye.  Everything is ok here, schools being closed for sanitation reasons, Guam Power Authority can't pay for the fuel oil to keep the lights on, and none of the people that write our laws are lawyers. Some of them have been caught dead-bang in lies (like claiming they have a college degree).  Seriously, if they don't get re-elected they may very well be the guy pumping your gas after their term.  So yes, it's fucked up.  But it's ok.  It's Guam.  We'll have a barbeque and everything will be ok.  

We're also isolated from the bullshit in the states.  We're more effected by the Asian economy I think, although I think the U.S. has done a bang up job fucking up everyone's economy and we're all going to pay for it for a long, long time.  Although I'm not ready to denounce my citizenship just yet, I really don't think much of my country at this time in my life.  

Well, the Zoloft is kicking in people.  Time to go.  

Oh, and what's this picture have to do with anything?  

Absolutely nothing. It's just a photo of the room I stayed in when I got here.  

Anchors Away!

I get a bit peeved when people talk down about our military men, describing them as uneducated hoodlums without class and no morals. 

But I also wonder why military men wonder why they get such a bad rap.  

So there I am on Sunday morning, right in the middle of "downtown Tamuning" and I see this. Four offensively white  and heavily tattooed bodies, earrings a danglin', smoking and throwing the butts on the street. All while in the back of a U.S. Navy vehicle. 

What the fuck..... over. 

People Who Clog Up Parking Lots To Get a Parking Space Closer to the Store Even Though They're Fat as Hell and Really Need the Exercise!

Just when I didn't think I'd find anything to write about today, another topic plops down in front of me.  

The title kinda says it all doesn't it? 

This is something that really pisses me off.  

People, like fucking sharks, circling the parking lot in hopes of getting a parking space close to the front of the building they want to go in. Not surprisingly, people that really need the exercise seem to be the most likely to do this.  They stop their cars, holding up traffic waiting for someone to put their bags away, strap their kids in the car seats, have a conversation with someone in the next row, and finally back out of their parking space, just so they don't have to walk he extra 50 fucking feet from the nearest spot "right over there."  The rest of us sit there, waiting, cursing, fantasizing about inflicting pain on them.  Then, some morbidly obese fat slob who probably hasn't seen their genitalia in decades, spills out of their car and waddles into the Denny's.  

And they see nothing wrong with it. 

I feel a photo essay coming on..... 

Call the Discovery Channel, This Mystery is Solved!!

For all you nay-sayers  out there,  there is finally photographic evidence that Sasquatch does exist.   I captured this photograph of the female of the species while feeding just today.

All these years,  the egg-heads and assorted freaks have been searching in vein the woods of northern California and Washington hoping to find evidence of the fable creature.  And here’s one right in front of me, on Guam.

Yep folks, that’s right, Sasquatch is a beach bum, who also   fancies fried chicken from time to time, as depicted in this photograph, snapped with my blackberry.  Luckily for science,  I was set  for quick photography, so I could draw and shoot quickly, then  egress  unnoticed and unharmed.   Surely I’d face certain  death in the clamp of her powerful jowls had the beast discovered my intent to plaster her fat ass all over the net .

It was my greatest wish to provide you with a full frontal shot of this giant, but the sound of crushing and snapping chicken bones froze me in my tracks. 

Please email me if you’d like an autographed copy. 

Sound the Feasting Horn!

Yes of course, there has to be a Thanksgiving post.

Today I was cordially invited for Thanksgiving buffet at the Hotel Nikko Resort.  I like the Nikko, it’s almost like another country, and I’m always the tallest person in the room, which is always appealing. Hulking primate that I am, I like to tie on the feed bag now and again.  So, lured with the promise of a selection of wonderful food, including my favorite, roasted pig (a taste I have acquired since moving to the island) and all manner of free beer, wine, and champagne, at precisely 1115am, the cage door slams behind me and I'm off.

Sadly, I didn’t take into account that a few hundred others were also cordially invited.  And it seems they all got there before me.  The buffet was decimated.  The only thing left were food boogers.  The animals ate everything.  And the pig, the only thing left was the beast’s snout. 

No thanks, I’m not that hungry.  I’ll go have it my way at Burger King……

 

Of All the Things That Piss Me Off......

Microsoft Vista officially ranks #1 on my Shit List, sharing the spot with it's creator, Bill Gates. 

 Thanks to Vista, I am now the proud owner of a sleek, sexy, and very FUNCTIONAL MacBook Pro.  I fuckin' love it I tell ya.  

 Why? 

Because it WORKS.  Unlike any of the three HP laptops I've purchased over the last 2 years, that hardly worked even out of the box.  And I won’t mention the two desktops that had to have the hard drives replaced.

 Magically, I push a button on my MacBook, and I'm transported into a new world in a matter of seconds.  Not minutes or even tens of minutes as with “The Fucking PC.” Only seconds.  It’s ready. I can work. I can play.  I can frolic. It’s glorious.

My new world is a wondrous place.  A place  free of pop up windows.  A place void of stupid fucking warnings, and meaningless boxes you have to close before it will do anything you want it to do.   In fact, it doesn’t even ask me for permission to do anything. It just instinctively knows if something sucks, and it doesn’t do it.  Just like a good woman. 

So then, Bill Gates, sit on your mountain of benjamin’s and look down on all us low-life fools that gave you money. And wave good-bye to yet another customer who will use your name as an obscenity for eternity.  It’ll be easy to notice me.  I’m the one wearing the “EAT SHIT AND DIE BILL GATES” tee-shirt, and extending my middle finger to you as I show you my backside.  

Free At Last!

The Wonders Never Cease….

Well I did it.  It took me almost a year but it’s done.  Frankly, I didn’t think it was possible.  And I wasn’t the only one.  Judging by the looks I got from passers-by, they were amazed, and rightfully so.  People I’ve never spoken a word to came over to make positive comments, giving me the encouragement to push on and see this dreaded task through to the end.   Surprisingly easy for something that’s created so much tension and ill-will.    After all, the cornerstone of my argument for not doing it in the first place was singular:  It’s going to suck.   But,  the needle on the suck-o-meter barely budged.   I feel so liberated.

So, I am proud to announce to all of you that have given me your undying support since the inception of this blog  (last night seems so long ago)  that the door to my condo is now painted the regulation  shade of green. And if that isn’t enough for you over achievers out there, I’d also like to report that my door is now easily recognizable as I also installed new, regulation numbers, as detailed in the Condo Association Penal Code. 

No more will I hide behind the shrubs to avoid members of the Homeowners Association.  Never again will I walk to my car with my head hung low. Gone are the days I avoid community social events.  Free at last, free at last.

And, since I’m no longer on the most wanted list, I can now feel free to complain everyone else without drawing formerly unwanted attention to myself.  I’ll address them as “You People,” my new moniker for those less than desirable types that just can’t seem to get on the same sheet of music as the rest of us.   

Is There a Podiatrist in the House?

Let's start this off by talking about one of the very  few things on the planet that really gives me the willies. Women that wear those strappy, sexy shoes,  That really shouldn't.

Certainly, everyone has the right to wear whatever the hell they want.  But when it violates my Constitutional Rights, don't think I won't call the MIB in a heartbeat.  If a woman has nasty feet, crooked and / or  twisted up toes, why would she want to show them off?   Be merciful. 

And think of the edge of your shoes as a boundary.  Your toes shouldn't extend beyond that, lest your feet look like they're clawing at the earth.  Especially that extra long #2 toe....  That makes me woozy every time.  Make the world a better place. Wear socks. 

And that goes for you too, big girls. If your feet are as wide as snowboards,  leave the mules at home, will ya? 

Greetings to All

Welcome to my humble blog. 

Here I'll describe,  complain, and  rant about  my life here on the Island of Guam.  I'll point out interesting and odd things (mostly odd)  about living here, as well as make fun of  the local news, local government and anyone else that crosses my path worthy of a laugh.  

Feel free to leave a comment.  All manner of offensive language is most welcome.  This is my house.  Say whatever the fuck you want.